Single, footloose and fancy free

Achingly glamorous in New York. Undeniably glamorous when you skydive, even if you tack on a 40 somewhere in there. So why then is it that that I’m sashaying around the house like a moribund chicken in search of yet another elusive dongle? Granted, 11 years with Aashish was pretty much guaranteed to send my nerd quotient to new heights, but really, this is getting quite ridiculous. The smooth male voice crooning ‘battery low’ in my ears does little to assuage my frustration, but dongle #754 refuses to play. Great, this pod has all the songs I want and no battery, poddy II has a mains charger, but I can’t find it’s corresponding dongle #821 that would allow me to fill it with different music, which leaves me with my last pod (miraculously a dongle free version!), with minimum memory and no headphones.

Deep breath in, deeper whooshing sigh out. Now to the real issue. It’s suddenly summer again today, and the metrological department insists its going to stay this way. Wonderful. The intervening chill has made it impossible to acknowledge summer without shaving my legs. Hardly a Herculean task one would have thought. Hardly. But then, that was before I showered in this flat. I have figured out that the light actually gets brighter after a bit (I’m pretty sure it’s not my vision that’s improving), and while the shower is deliciously powerful and hot, three and a half minutes is the signal for the steam to gently start swirling around you, misting up the entire bathroom to sauna proportions, obscuring not just the looking glass, but any glasses that might be of aid when it comes to the perilous task of drawing blade against skin. Contact lens might overcome this hurdle, but attempting to shave in the midst of a cloud of steam is hardly conducive to smooth, sexy legs. Not before 2012 at any rate. Besides, I have no clue where my lens case is.

Right. Plan B. I resist the urge to smack the voice in my ear and contemplate my wardrobe. What on earth can I possibly wear that is light, airy and covers a multitude of sins? Oh, it might help if it’s appropriate for work as well. Although, why I bother I don’t know given today’s display of checked tights under shorts at work day. I could get away with dark tights, but then I’d have to be garbed like that for dinner. This then brings me back to my initial quandary, smooth legs or lack thereof. How tragic a story would it make: single, footloose and fancy free – doomed to a sexless as her new abode is hostile towards all attempts to shave her legs and catastrophically, ‘tis no longer the season for suspenders and bits.

She’s alright she’s alright she’s alright… Cocaine. Perhaps that is the answer. Then again, tomorrow is only a first date. Maybe I’ll be able to leave early on Wednesday for a first stab at operation silky smooth. Best get on with operation seek and retrieve then.