I have to trek to the store, lugging my laptop and charger with me, try and explain to the befuddled dude that it won't let me register to pay, and try not to smack him each time he echoes back 'register?'. I ungraciously refuse his offer to connect me with customer services and belligerently ask if there's nothing they can do at the store. He offers himself up, and I set about booting up with a great deal of annoyance. Thankfully, it does exactly what I said it did, and I'm spared the monumental embarrassment of cringing as the screen obligingly moves to the next step validating the gits, 'there's no money on it'. 'You can pay for it by cash', he tells me. Err yes, I'm aware of that. But that's not what I was having a problem with, was it. I'm old, tired and fed up so surrender my credit card with nary a demur and even thank him profusely for the privilege. Apparently, I'm going to have to keep topping up in this manner as for whatever reason, I'm persona non grata when it comes to online purchasing in the TZone! Go figure.

Thankfully, I think, it still works when I get home, although the pace is excruciating to put it optimistically. I restrain the urge to scan for unsecured networks and plod on, but my god! mobile broadband sucks! Hardly surprising given that I seem to be connected at under 53.6 kbps. I would be embarrassed to offer this as a product. But we are in Ennglaand. So if you're not willing to sign over a direct debit for 12 months, just suck it up and gnaw on your lips as the window loads like a geriatric watching wheels spin.