Christening Consternations

I glare balefully at the pink ribbons adorning the envelope. Damn! I wouldn't have expected the FDG to get sentimental.... "It's for the christening", she tosses, through her flurry of arm waving explanation about doing dinner with the others. Ah... interesting. I eye the card gingerly as I rack my brain for any similar social situations. None make their presence felt. "What does one wear for a christening?" I ask, only midly panic striken as a swift, if cursory mental inventory yells back INAPPROPRIATE. A negligent shrug, "Anything." Bloody brilliant.

Barbara Benedetta Borgese, the pint size result of a passionate kitchen table encounter is going to be made to suffer for her parents excesses. While I'm all for bathing infants, particularly one that wails when lifted out of the pool, there is something satanic about the whole holy water in the confines of a church atmosphere. Mmmhmm, interesting possibilities of a brooding Gabriel Byrne in End of Days figure skulking around the pews.... how wickedly unholy. I can feel the sweat slowly roll down my spine in anticipation of the fires of hell...

Urk. Nearly lost the narrative theme to original sin there! Back to the original question. What does one wear to a blasted christening?? Why leave it at that... have another one - Christening present? Google obligingly offers an array of ugly silver rattles and suchlike, and I’m diverted by the thought that if I’m not careful, the frown deepening between my eyes will seek permanent residency given my advancing years, and quickly shut the window. I waggle my eyebrows to try and ease the damage, but the fact that I’ve packed off what could have potential been the perfect christening dress replaces the gift conundrum, testing my resolve. Unbidden, my eyes start to narrow, adding a host of additional little lines to my face. Outsourcing! Priya. Semi - good Catholic. Bangalore based. Now if only Wipro will co-operate with their plans for my courier service, I might even keep the late 20’s, early 30’s look… Hah!