Judgemental

With age, I've become more intolerant and less judgemental. Sadly, the one thing that hasn't changed is the oddity of the opposite holding true for those that are closest to me. Things I wouldn't even notice in a stranger, easily overlook in an acquaintance, forgive in a friend, unfailingly disappoint me in a loved one. Why do these expectations creep in once you let someone get in closer? If they didn't matter earlier, why do they matter now? Why do I demand it all from them? Just because I am willing to give it my all? Surely that's my problem. Intellectually, I recognise the unjustness of what I ask. Even perhaps, the impossibility of it. Emotionally, I cannot accept anything less. No one knows better than I that you can't change people. Why do I then want it to be something different? Why do I taste the dust of failure when the reality doesn't match up to the fantasy? People are who they are. Why then, do I still hope for something different? Why does my heart refuse to accept what is apparent to see? Why am I so insistent in believing that they're not being true to themselves when their behaviour is contrary to what I see them as? If I am disillusioned, surely it's because I created the illusion. There is no warrior to walk by my side. Perhaps I am meant to walk alone.