City of Scams

Serviced apartment just minutes from High Street Kensington station. My senses perk up, and then dip as I see a £250/week next to it. How grotty would it have to be to be on offer at that rate? Probably a studio the size of a closet with food embedded in the stained carpet. My hand however, works at a different pace and I'm confronted with the most glamorous photos of a glossy, marble bathtub. Hunh? Flick, flick, flick.... a bedroom I could've decorated myself, brightly coloured cushions adorning a rather fetching wooden bed frame. My eyeballs disappear in the squint, and I email them. An impressive booking form outlines the requirement of a 10% deposit to secure the flat.

Someone replies to my mail on a Sunday at 9 pm, gently correcting my assumption that it's £250 per month. I apologies and insist, 'I knew that'. The next email informs me that this miraculous flat is indeed available for the three months I'm interested in (peak summer!), and suggests I book a London taxi through them if I'm arriving into the country, as they will have the keys and take me straight to the apartment. Naturally. In my best officious manner, I inform them that I am shockingly in the country and wondering if I can have a quick viewing of this simply marvelous flat. The lovely lady who so industriously fielded my emails on Sunday obviously has the day off on the following Monday. Undaunted, I ping of yet another officious email asking if there is a number where I might call them. There is one on the website for a call service, which to my unprecedented shock and horror is not connected, but offers to provide me with services should I so require.

I'm deeply disillusioned. I had expected Hannah to have rushed in to organise a viewing, or at least gush over the phone at how happy they would be to help me. Naturally, all payments are to be made by bank transfers only. I'm devastated, and drown my sorrows by acceding to the extortion my lovely agent chappie does with such elan. Empty flat with no marble bathtub, no TV and no co-ordinated cushions on a bed. Hell. No bed. A ginormous four figured sum to be paid in advance of the tenancy. Disgraceful! Maybe I should send him the link for the Oasis apartments for beleaguered tourists!

P.S. - I wonder if anyone actually falls for this? Admittedly, the site is rather good - very professional, but really, take a London cab booked through us coz they'll have the keys?????