You've come a long way baby...

One month, to the date. 30 days. An innocuous enough number. A mere waft of time.

A distraught electro cardiogram. A kaleidoscope of emotions. Severe disequilibrium like unexpected turbulence on a calm day. It catches me unaware. An unwanted surprise. I know not what ails me...but there sure as hell are no endorphins in play. Disenchantment rules.

I almost yearn for tunnel vision. But it is not mine to have. The picture is all wrong. The individual elements exquisite, even perfect, but together; it does not belong. Something makes you shake your head. But it eludes you, it's invisibility aggravating. The longer you stare, the less it makes sense. A text message. A phone call. Missing imperfections subtly woven together, a thing of beauty, like Seurat's 'Bathers at Asnières'.

The irony that allows you to feel everything has changed, only to discover that nothing has, yet, it's different; the incongruity that only permits those that cause upheaval in your soul to soothe it. Perhaps it's poetic justice, the need to find yourself reflected back in your surroundings.... the balance is precarious. Sometimes impossible. But if you don't try, you'll never know, will you. Grave thoughts for summer in London. When did I stop being BtB??

Siigh. Guess it's time to fling myself headlong and see where the river takes me....