London My Eye!

Victor Lustig deserves an unconditional apology. His scam was trivial compared to gargantuan fraud perpetuated by the city of London on unsuspecting tourists on the South Bank.

Like karmic dominoes, life cascades along, it's wake depositing us at the Eye on a Friday afternoon. A suitable bored young man with excessive hair product syndrome unhelpfully tells us it'll be 15 minutes to queue for the ticket, and another 15 to overcome the line to the wheel. Since our duck has forsaken us, and Phedre won't begin before 8 pm, we shrug and let the dominoes fall..... the line's not too bad, but my cheery comment is truncated by Anaheeta's horrified yelp "£34". My feet seem to be stuck on some form of adhesive... gum possibly? Erm no. It's waiting for my brain to overcome the shock at the thought of having to apply for a bank loan. Wait - that's for the combined ticket to the wax works. Relief morphs into doubt, but our indecision and several horribly dressed young people with loud voices and accents that evoke the spirit of Professor Higgins in me, propels us to the next counter, and I very reluctantly hand over the plastic.

Dazed at the brazen extortion (£17/head), it takes us 90 seconds before we commence our whining about the length of the queue, endless children, the sun, the stupid wheel, bloody tourists, badly dressed teenagers....who the hell are all these people and why are they not gainfully employed elsewhere???

So, was it worth it? NO. Absolutely not. A complete scam of ginormous proportions. Without a doubt, the most expensive and pointless way to get bored, and even hogging the solitary bench for some sulky shut eye (apparently to the consternation of all those who haven't seen the Thames and it's surroundings from a height), is a distinctly unrewarding experience with daft tourists shuffling around. I can hear a 15 minute back massage in Chinatown tut tutting my foolishness...