Shag carpets and spam

Of late, I find myself inundated by offers of Russian mail order brides. I've always believed this to be the domain of exorbitantly paid oil workers in Alaska. Apparently, I was wrong. Being nearly legitimately single qualifies me as a bonafide recipient of such alluring offers. The Russians have never been known for their subtlety, and while I make no claims to it either, I bow unequivocally to their demonstrable superiority. 1 mail from someone in my address book forlornly competes with 27 screaming ones from Delaware (don't ask....if Sarah Palin can see them from her window, how far behind can Delaware be?) with a generous offer; WANT TO MARRY A HOT RUSSIAN CHICK? DREAM MARRIAGE WITH LIVE VIDEO STREAMING. ONLY GENTLEMEN HAVE ACCESS TO LIVE VIDEO FOR VIEWING WOMEN DURING LIVE CHAT, SO NO NEED TO DRESS FOR THE OCCASION.
For the love of Christ. No need to dress for the occasion?? While I'm willing to suspend my romantic notions of what might constitute a dream marriage, even for a hot Russian chick, and I do appreciate this is not the actual wedding we're talking about here, I'd be hard pressed to choose between a 'gentleman' in dirty sweats picking his nose while shovelling pizza into his mouth to a naked one exercising his willie! Or maybe the latter is dressing for the occasion?? Where is Rasputin when you need him?!
Still, for some deeply dubious reason, this caused my mind to wander to shag carpets. Anybody who has the misfortune to suffer from carpet burns will tell you that torrid shagging on a carpeted floor is seriously overrated, unless it happens to be in a thick pile of silk carpeting. Was that the original purpose of shag carpets? A handy lower back insulator for artfully spontaneous passion? Rumour has it that shag is apparently used to make deep pile carpets (no, I'm not making this up, so stop with the suggestive nudging!). Prophetically, google informs me that you could get either a long shag, short shag or mini shag. Hmmm.... might be best to check in advance what kind your date is.. err has....