Less is more

Trite, but true and glaringly ignored. Be it in our responses to client bids or the acquisition of gadgetry in our daily lives. The last three months have seen me sans TV, broadband, radio and videophone with only minor aggravation. Mostly because I have no visitors that need me to scurry down in my PJ's to open the summons of the front door. I have however, had several seconds of my life devoted in the pursuit of trying to locate my mobile phone and even watching in horrified fascination as the bulky telephone installed in the quaint red phone boxes consumed my coins faster than a bulimic shark as I left a desperate message to keep calling till I answered the phone. Since then, I've been circumspect about where I leave the instrument and my keys so as to avoid ageing as I feverishly hunt them down, either before bed or before leaving the house.

Naturally, since I now have that routine down pat (drop keys in front of the door and phone on the bed), it only remains for the damn things themselves to stop cooperating, and the BlackBerry does so with abandon and no warning. I flick my thumb over the track ball and it impudently mocks me by doing nothing. I try and again and it responds with a little teasing move up, before lapsing into sullen non movement. Several more epithets yield nothing. So I try a slew of fetching endearments. Bupkis, zilch, squat. I can't read emails. I can't check my calendar. I can't set my alarm. I can't call anyone unless I know their number by heart. My life is on hold because I can now no longer scroll. My stomach growls in annoyance because bachhi is appalling late for lunch, but I can't do anything about it because I can't call or text. Eventually, she does, and I pacify el growlo with a three course lunch. Fortune smiles on me as a freshly manicured Bewdi bears down on my farewell, and I co-opt her to inspect the oj stain on my carpet and then wind up watching Pelham 123, Forest Gump (well some of it), chewing some stray bones and eliciting a promise of a wake up call at 7 am. Now if I can only get the damn alarm to stop snoozing!