Squinting, at the hand written notice on the back of the door, fails to shed any illumination. Tilting the head doesn't either. Err, was I at an all men's only 'massage parlour'? Nope, it's the right address and I'm pretty sure Somya wouldn't have packed me and my backache off for an hour of misplaced jollies. Clean and well, normal. The thought of hidden cameras don't cross my mind as I peel off layers contemplating the slightly less cryptic, 'take off all clothes except underwear' bearing notice. Oook - I can do that.... they can't mean a bra, can they? A petite, smiling woman pops in, confirming my state of undress, and then before you know it, I'm thinking..... aaah.. Effleurage!! Damn it feels good!! How long has it been since I've had the 'e' word run through my head in tandem with strong, soothing hands? (ok, so I'm a nerd and now need check the blog for just how long it's been.....crikey!! that was May '08!!! Oh my, can't believe I said crikey!).
It takes ages for my legs to stop pretending they're custard in a clever disguise and I eventually get home, feeling all mellow and zen-like after three days of immaculate stress (although Guy's 'Handy for what?!?!' did leave me rather wondering about my observation of 'Now that's handy!' to the lovely lingerie clad ladies artfully arrayed in the windows of a pretty townhouse... what was I thinking they'd be handy for?? and why on earth was I thinking it???), when the light dawns... that notice about the underwear!! It was for ALL MEN'S ONLY!!! don't strip down so you're dangling! Those poor dainty women... therapeutic specialists being subject to unwanted bits of male anatomy - LOL!! Which reminds me, it's almost like an immutable law of masculine physics... 'I could give you a relaxing massage' and 'I really hate using a condom'. You don't say.... mere coincidence that nakedness is a necessity for relaxation massage and you'll never meet a man who'll say...'oh yeah, I so love rolling a condom on..', but don't think they'll ever stop stating the obvious.
Argh! Just how many hostile encounters with a refrigerator is one woman allowed to have?? I cannot believe this! My freezer is now sprouting icicles along the rim.....God dammit to hell and back! Nothing like a vicious attack on white goods to get the muscles all coiled like Medusa's coiffure. Hmmm, it's all stuff from Chinatown in there... could it possibly be? it must... a gargantuan conspiracy designed to wear down prolific Indians as the inscrutable Orientals take over the world with their insidious groceries and massages.....
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